Coming Home
Here we are with our final update before we bring Jubilee home. But first, we’ll give you a quick recap of our last trip. We are grateful for Helen’s mom and dad who watched the boys all week while everyone had the flu, and even took one of our kids to the ER at 2am. Thankful for friends and family who provided meals, support, and prayers during the trip. This was Eli’s first time being in Korea since middle school and Helen’s first time ever. In one week we went to a friend’s church, met with aunts and cousins from both sides, ate street ddukbokki (spicy rice cakes) and McD’s deep fried apple pies from the 80’s, took a day trip to Jeju Island on Helen’s birthday thanks to a family friend, watched KDramas at 3am due to jet lag, and soaked in all the amazing scenery, smells, and faces. Two things stood out: First, every place we went had the best customer service ever. Secondly, we didn’t realize how bad our Korean was until we started speaking it to multiple people who would gently smile and respond back in broken English. But of course, the highlight of our trip was meeting our daughter.
We got to the agency’s building early and sat and prayed in the empty playroom where our first meeting with Jubilee would take place. We then went downstairs to attend a meeting with the staff and eight other families who are grouped with us for the rest of the adoption process. After the meeting, we all went upstairs to the playroom to meet our children and their foster mothers. Every time the door opened, our hearts were pounding while trying to recognize our child who we watched grow up for the past two years through photos and videos. Finally, the door opened and we immediately saw Jubilee. Her precious face with those wide, sweet eyes. Her foster mom rushed in, full of life and warmth, and she and Helen embraced as the tears poured down both their faces. Then we knelt down to look at our child face-to-face. 550 days of waiting to meet her. 550 days of sorrow, 550 days of joy. 550 days of God’s faithfulness. She was everything we imagined and more. For that one hour meeting, we got to play bubbles, eat tangerines, and laugh as she pretended to knock Eli over again, and again. She seemed to love the cars and trucks in the room… looks like we won’t need many new toys in our home : ). We also got to hear from her foster mom’s heart about how she didn’t know if she could care for Jubilee in the beginning due to her medical needs. She knew after the first foster mom was unable to care for her, that this was going to be the most unique, and challenging situation she had ever experienced. But she persevered and poured out everything to raise Jubilee for the past two years. Now she, her retired husband and adult daughter cry thinking of her leaving their home. One thing is for sure, Jubilee was loved well. In Korea, the children call their foster moms “Umma” (which means “Mom”), to help with attachment when they join their adoptive families. We watched as Jubilee hung on her Umma’s neck, ate tangerines on her lap, and ran to give her kisses. Our hearts couldn’t stop thanking her foster mom. We will forever be grateful to her.
Here is a recent interview of our foster mom: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSnMRUIYk28&authuser=0
After arriving back home to MD, we quickly received our date for the final trip. We will be traveling tomorrow, New Year’s day, for exactly one week. For the first couple days, we plan to rest up and share time with the few other families that we have become close with during this process. Our custody meeting at the agency takes place on Wednesday when we all officially take custody of our children. We will then have our Visa interview the next day, and finally return home with Jubilee on Sunday, the 8th.
We have been taking the whole week to prepare all our documents, clean, pack, spend extra time with our kids, and set up Jubilee’s things. But to be honest, there are moments we feel overwhelmed and have no idea what we’re doing. There will be nothing easy about this transition especially for Jubilee. We are simultaneously terrified and excited. Grieved and hopeful. In a state of mourning and dancing. We can be sorrowful of all that comes with a broken world, and joyful at the same time because our joy is “built out of the sovereignty of God, and the forgiveness of sins, and the preciousness of Christ… an unshakable boulder of joy — real gladness, real satisfaction in all that God is for you in Jesus” (John Piper). We are “sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything” (2 Corinthians 6:10). So no matter what happens, is there anything we can do but surrender? We know God has called us on this journey, and He has never failed to carry us through. It’s like the song that a friend shared with us while praying for us. The song is about “building a boat” even when we don’t see the outcome. And to remember that God is still working even when we can’t see it. We trust that God is not just adding Jubilee to our family, but that He is making something new and beautiful according to His good, loving, and perfect plan.
We want to thank you for caring for our family in all the different ways you have throughout this journey, it has made all the difference. We ask for continued prayers for Jubilee’s transition, especially at the custody meeting when she separates from her foster mom, and those first few days and weeks. Prayers for the boys’ hearts as well to have peace and joy in the midst of a new situation. We ask for supernatural strength, sleep, and rest for us. Most of all, we pray to remain faithful in what God calls us to do every day and every hour, knowing that He promises to be with us. Although this is the last blog post, feel free to reach out anytime. We look forward to connecting with you all in the new year!
“You're the map, You're my compass
You help me navigate the currents underneath
Take the lead, I surrender
Every word You say is gonna come true
You will lead me to the promised land
Everything You say is gonna happen
Even though I haven't seen it yet
I will build a boat in the sand where they say it never rains
I will stand up in faith, I'll do anything it takes
With Your wind in my sails, Your love never fails or fades
I'll build a boat in the desert place”
(“Build a Boat” by Colton Dixon)
Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
Many of you already know that we finally received our long-awaited court date and are set to travel to Korea next Friday. The moment we found out, we were in shock and our minds went to the expected reactions- eagerness, excitement, joy. We were over the moon. As we began to share the news things became more real. But somehow, very quickly, a deep ocean of grief began to well up inside. With every text and phone call, we wept harder until we were left in utter sorrow. It wasn’t about the messages; we felt the beautiful and immediate nearness of those surrounding us with prayer and love. And it wasn’t about us as the adoptive parents, we’ve already known how inadequate we are. It was about Jubilee. To have lost her birth mother after the womb, to losing a short-term foster mother, and then attaching to her current foster mother for the past 1.5 years only to lose her too, is more than a child should bear in a lifetime. The grief came from the reality that she has no idea what is to come. As we eagerly prepare her room with a crib and fold cute onesies with pink bunnies, she is in Korea laughing, dancing, and holding tightly to the only mother she knows. In Jubilee’s eyes, she is already home.
Some may think of adoption as a picture of the “rescuing” of a child, the sacrificial love of the parents, or the Instagram posts. But behind the perfect family photo is a child, one who will walk in and out of seasons of grief throughout life. But this isn’t to say that she is out of God’s sight. She has always been, and will always be, fiercely loved by the God who created her. A saving, redeeming, restoring God. She is fearfully and wonderfully made.
As humans, we have a deep desire to be fully known and fully loved because we were created by and for God, who knows all our brokenness and still loves us completely. Our prayer is that we would embrace this truth. That we would hold fast to Him when we are hit by every wave, knowing that He will never change.
And then love her in the same way.
To allow her to be completely overwhelmed, angry, or confused. To let her be honest. To let her just be. To see it ALL and still love her the same.
Brothers and sisters, please pray for us whenever it comes to mind. First, prayers for Jubilee. And secondly, prayers for us to rely on God and remain steadfast in His presence.
This first trip includes two one-hour long playdates with Jubilee, and one court date. Our second trip, about a month later, will be when we bring her home.
We love you all so much and are so thankful for each of you. You have walked with us, and we would love to do the same in your lives. Please let us know if you have any prayer requests.
“Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,"
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you, when
I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written,
every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!”
Psalm 139:7-17
Year of Jubilee
The past few months have been a whirlwind with the holidays, ministry, illnesses, relationships, an opinionated pre-teen, a hyper middle child, and a fierce boss baby, oh, and a slightttt over-reliance on coffee and McDonalds’ hot fudge sundaes… It has definitely been a full, challenging, but rich season for us. But even with the busyness of life, there has not been a day or even a few hours that went by without B’s face on our minds. The constant balancing of wondering how she’s doing and longing to hold her, with the constant sinking feeling that she’s so far away, in every way possible. Because there is no cookie-cutter timeline, we can’t predict when B will come home. It could be late this year, or even next year. But we would like to share a couple of exciting things that have happened recently. First, we finished our dossier and filled out the official paperwork for her legal name… Jubilee B. Choi. Even typing it out feels unreal, since this is a name that resurfaced in our minds from ten years ago! Secondly, B has been generally stable considering the condition she has. All of her lab work and tests are up to date, and her wonderful foster mother is taking good care of her. Lastly, the Lord has provided every dollar to cover all the adoption fees- $45,000. We are still waiting for final grants to come in and are anticipating that all our travel expenses will be covered as well. It has been crazy amazing to see where/who the funds have been coming from. We thank our family, friends, and grants that gave financially, and equally importantly, prayed for and encouraged us! We are so so grateful.
The Lord has been teaching us to hold all things loosely, for everything belongs to Him and it is He who gives and takes away. To be clear that nothing is really ours, not our possessions, our dreams, our church, our family, not even our own lives. And to confess, we personally have been so fickle with our hands- one moment wide open to be used for God’s glory, then the next moment tightly closed to who, when, where, what God has called us to. We have come to the realization that our hands need to be surrendered. And it is good to be surrendered to a God who knows, loves, and cares for us. We have been asking God to let this truly be the year that our child comes home to us, the year of Jubilee, but even if it isn’t as we had hoped, that God will carry us every step of the way.
Notes on “Jubilee”- protection for the poor, freedom for the slaves, celebration, debt has been paid, covenant between God and Israel, rest for the land, reliance on God's provision, Jesus is Jubilee, freedom as slaves to sin, God our healer, God gives second chances, God delivers, God meets our needs, He is good news, He hears our cries for justice, He conquered sin, He saves.
“The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because He has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”
Luke 4:18-19
Our Adoption Story
“Because the people God uses don’t have to know a lot of things, or have a lot of things—they just have to need Him a lot.”
-Our favorite quote from the Jesus Storybook Bible
We sat and wrote our story together, so you will see glimpses of both of us throughout. We wrote as much detail as possible because this is where we will come back time and again to remember how it all started.
God. Our story has always started with God. From the start of dating 11 years ago and marriage a year later, the miraculous healing of our first-born baby, two more beautiful children, mini-van life, seven moves in nine years, our first home, ministry, church planting, to seasons of loss, struggle, heartache and all the hills and valleys in-between… God has always been the Author and Sustainer of our story.
We have been blessed with three rambunctious, hilarious, smelly, unashamedly raw, deeply thoughtful, loving boys! We praise God for them! At the same time, from the beginning of our marriage, God planted in us a desire to adopt. About 6 years ago, after our second son was born, we explored different countries for the first time and eventually inquired about a precious boy from South Korea with specific medical needs. But the door quickly closed because we didn’t meet certain requirements. We were discouraged, but it was during that time that we knew God was planting South Korea in our hearts, and for years we would revisit the idea of adopting a “waiting child” (children who have very specific needs) from there.
Fast forward to April 2021. It started one night when our hearts were led to pray and cry out for Korea, and we both unexpectedly sensed that the Lord was calling us to officially pursue adoption. The next day, we went to the “Waiting Child Photo Listing” for Korea on our agency’s website. Within about five seconds, we saw a photo of a little baby “boy” in white and yellow pajamas and we were both struck. Eli said, “He looks like our baby.” To which Helen replied, “Oh my gosh… this is our baby!” How could a child we never met feel like a child we always knew? We clicked on “his” profile to read the description, and we noticed that the pronouns were all female, but quickly assumed there was a loss in translation. The profile stated that this baby has Biliary Atresia, a rare and serious condition of the bile ducts and liver that would one day require a liver transplant. We inquired about this “boy” and to our surprise, the agency coordinator informed us that there was a typo on the website and that the child is actually a girl whose name is B! We thought it would be an easy decision to move forward, but after reviewing her extensive medical report we began to question ourselves, and ultimately God. We were in the bathroom washing up for bed and suddenly a wave of fear crashed on us. How would we manage four children? Will she adjust well? Will she be happy here? How can we help her thrive? How will the kids be affected? Marriage? Family? Ministry? Will we ever sleep again? How do we afford this? Oh, and btw, where do you get a liver? With heavy hearts, we notified the agency that we would not be moving forward. But with every day that went by, we both couldn’t stop thinking of her. We prayed together about all our worries and fears, and God showed us our inability to do anything, even take a breath, apart from His grace. The power of His love is greater than our fears. His plans will prevail. We don’t need to know the outcome, we just need to follow Him as He goes before us- one step at a time. Shortly after, we happened to stumble upon our first-born’s medical file. We flipped through the thick stack of forms stating numerous and scary complications at the time of his birth. Reading what seemed like an endless number of issues, we were hit with the thought that if he were to have been an orphan, how long would he have had to wait before a family followed the call to adopt him? Because the parents who would end up adopting him would have ended up being the most blessed parents in the world. Our fears began to disappear as God showed us that behind all of the overwhelming doctor’s reports was a precious child. A child that was wonderfully created with a plan and purpose. We let the agency know that we would officially pursue B’s adoption. We could never have imagined what would happen next all in the span of four weeks.
We were told to start our home study process which would take an average of 3-6 months until her committee meeting (at this agency, there is always a committee meeting for all “waiting children” to be matched with the right family). Only families who had completed home studies by the time of the committee meeting were allowed to be considered. The next day, we began tackling the long list of tasks, one after another. By the end of that first week, we were on a roll but still had only made a dent. A couple days later, the agency gave us some news… B’s committee meeting was set to take place in just three weeks! The agency did not say we wouldn’t be considered, but we could tell they knew it would be nearly impossible for us to complete our home study in three weeks. Plus, they said there were two other families, both ready with completed home studies, who would be considered for B’s adoption at the committee meeting. They apologized for not being able to wait longer for us. We understood completely. After getting off the phone with the agency, we looked at each other expecting the other to be sad. But we both looked totally at peace. We trusted in His sovereignty to work all things for her good and match her with the right family. All we could do was keep going until the door would close.
The next couple of weeks felt like Mario Kart… it was like every day there were turtle shells and banana peels everywhere, but we’d miraculously dodge them as we were headed toward the finish line. Nope, not today Satan! Each day we watched as God swiftly carried us through. Like how we were able to receive an expedited medical review from a Biliary Atresia specialist in Philadelphia. Or when the fire marshal first told us that he was on vacation and had a long waitlist, but quickly agreed to come at 9:00 a.m. the very next morning to complete our fire inspection. Or how we called around 50 doctors to request a pre-adoption psychological evaluation to be completed in a week, and after 49 rejections, one doctor contacted us after-hours at 5:30 p.m. and agreed to do it for us. And how we were waiting in the final days for our MD and DC background clearances to come back and they arrived at the last hour. It was in that final hour, while we were at a friend’s house, that Helen snuck into the bathroom to receive a call from our social worker. Our social worker called to let us know that we would officially be considered at B’s committee meeting! Of course, as long as we completed our home study by then. Our wonderful social worker and her supervisor finalized our home study over that very weekend and submitted it to our adoption agency— just a couple days before the committee meeting. In those last few days before the meeting, God continued to show His faithfulness as we were able to finish all our trainings, unexpectedly received a check that we used to pay the home study fees due that day, and so much more.
We will never forget the day of the committee meeting, which also happened to be our 10-year anniversary. We woke up with anticipation, but deep inside was a wondering of what this day would mean for B, her birth parents, foster family, and so many others involved. The committee meeting was at 2:00 p.m. (or so we thought) and since families do not attend the committee meetings, we wanted to be together when our social worker would call with the committee’s decision. So, the plan was for Eli to pick up Helen at 2:30 p.m. and spend the day together. But at 1:30 p.m., while Helen was home and Eli was still out working, Helen received a text from our social worker to give her a call. Helen’s first thought was… are we not going to be included in the meeting anymore? She called our social worker who said she has something to tell us. The next few words that came out of our social worker’s mouth still feel unreal to this day. “YOU GUYS WERE CHOSEN.” I’m sorry WHAT?! The committee meeting was actually earlier that morning! Our social worker described how the meeting went and that after hours of discussion, it was an unanimous vote from the committee to match B with our family. So right around 2:30 p.m., Eli came home to pick up Helen for our 10-year anniversary fun day. Right when Helen got in the car Eli said, “It’s 2:30 p.m., the committee meeting is happening right now!” Helen frantically tried to think of clever ways to surprise Eli but all she could do was fake a smile as the tears were rolling down. Eli did a double take at her expression. He asked, “What happened? Did you talk to the social worker?” To which Helen replied, “We were chosen.” Eli stopped the car and we both burst into tears. Our hearts and spirits praised the Lord for who He is and all He had done.
We already love this child, even without having met her. We pray for this child, even without her knowing we do. Our hearts are overjoyed when we think of her. But we don’t pretend to understand B’s story before we ever came into the picture. There was great loss for her, and for her birth parents. Her story started long before us, a story filled with indescribable loss and immeasurable love. And like all things in this life, we know that it will not be easy. There will be grief and suffering. There will be times of uncertainty and fear. Things may not always turn out the way we had hoped. This broken world will always be filled with sin, sickness, and sorrow. But praise God that our hope is not in the things of this world, but in the promise that God will carry us throughout life on this side of eternity, and into an eternity with no more tears, pain, suffering, or death for those who put their faith in Jesus Christ. We see God’s great love for us in the life, death, and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ, who brings us into an eternal relationship with the almighty, loving, and gracious God as adopted sons and daughters.
We are so grateful for all the prayers and encouragement we have already received. If you would like to walk alongside us, please lift us up in prayer. Prayers for our devotion to God to grow deeper. For our marriage to become stronger. Prayers for our boys to adjust and love B well. For our family and community to experience God through our journey. For B’s birth mother and father, and foster family as they will always be a huge part of B’s story. That God will give us wisdom and strength to walk with B no matter what happens with her condition. And last but not least for B’s heart, mind, soul, and spirit as she becomes a part of our family.
Because He lives
I can face tomorrow
Because He lives
All fear is gone
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living
Just because He lives.
- Our favorite hymn “Because He Lives"
“Now may the God of peace, who brought up from the dead our Lord Jesus—the great Shepherd of the sheep—through the blood of the everlasting covenant, equip you with everything good to do His will, working in us what is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.”
- Hebrews 13:20-21